by D.V. Bowden
“Police helicopter shot the sky;
Police helicopter landin' on my eye.
Police helicopter takes a nose-dive;
Police helicopter, he ain't shy.”
--"Police Helicopter" by
The Red Hot Chili Peppers
BWAP! BWAP! BWAP!
BWAP! BWAP! There it is again! It's the sound of the Tuscaloosa Police helicopter zooming over. It's a
constant source of racket lately. Ask these folks (scroll to bottom). What's going on?
It's sounds like living in Los Angeles or some other giant
crime-ridden metropolis. Do the cops really need to be constantly
airborne? How much does running this helicopter cost? Are the
crooks airborne too? Do the cops need "air
superiority"? It's not like we have a lot of high-speed
freeway chases here. What is the chopper doing
zooming around town all day? Maybe they're scaring away the aliens, though a better bet
would be something like this.
I used to live
near an army base, so I saw helicopters all the time. The army
choppers, however, tended to pass by and fly away somewhere else,
rather than constantly hovering around making a nuisance of
themselves. Don't the Tuscaloosa Police have us under close
enough surveillance already, what with the ubiquitous spy cameras
everywhere? I mean, they can already zoom in on women's chests to make sure they
aren't hiding contraband in their shirts–what more can
the chopper do? Maybe the cops will mount a mini-gun on the
chopper next, a la Blue Thunder. Then they can really show us who's boss. Blue Thunder even had
"whisper mode," so that it didn't make so much
racket. If they're going to spy on us, at least they could do